Wednesday, April 10, 2013

The Shit List: Steve Miller Needs To Stop Touring

Ian Anderson, of Jethro Tull fame, stopped making music publicly and went back to Scotland to build a salmon farm. Why did he do this? He was making great music. There are so many others who should have quit and let him continue on his pixie flute fluttering way.

Steve Miller Band is a band that I'm happy to say I've been able to avoid listening to over the course of my life. There's a few "classic rock" songs that I actually do have an affinity for. However, this blog series is not about those songs. This series is about the ones that were ruined by overuse, not unlike a stock Bill O'Reilly insult. But there is one tune of Mr. Miller's that, no matter how studious you may be, you are just going to be contaminated by... Over, and over, and over, and over again until your brain melts with white rage. You can only hope that when this happens, you're not on the freeway, fumbling to access the glock you have stored in your glove box, to aim at the bald man with a ponytail in the convertible Chrysler LeBaron one lane over who's perpetually on Spring Vacation 1973.

Number 4:

"The Joker" - Steve Miller Band

He Looks Like Steve Martin

The ingenius guitar cat-call at the suggestion that the "narrator" of this epic piece of pop architecture might be named, audaciously, Maurice, is enough for me. Every time I hear this iconic signature I reach for my gun. (I don't own a gun yet. I'm waiting until only reasonable, sane people like myself can get them.) It's instinctual. It reminds me of when my daughter was a baby, and she would cry. Babies' cries are connected genetically to that part of the brain that demands violent action immediately, from the parent in earshot. Reflexively, the parent reaches for the bottle or food source without regard to any potential obstacles, so desperate to stop the noise that cuts to the core of humanity, and results in lamps and jars of liquid being knocked over and broken or spilled. That's what happens to me when I hear, "...Some people call me Maurice - woot woot...". But with a gun. I'm looking for my gun instead of a bottle of milk.

Here, listen to it.

They won't let you listen to it here because it's owned by EMI. You have to go to Youtube. It must be so valuable a feed that you can only go to a monetized site to enjoy it commercials free

Here it is on Amazon in case you want to BUY the song. 1 person "liked" it.

zachary rouse blogs at this blog, and at his website, Zachary Rouse

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

The Shit List: Thin Lizzy...Oh, Don't Worry. There Are Plenty More Where This Came From

The iHeart Radio mega-conglomerate is Clear Channel Communications. They can the product of continuous radio programming for your listening dull-maintenance. Out of the hundreds of thousands of songs that are available to these peddlers of rock oldies, their "program directors" (I say in quotes because they don't have program directors...they have marketing executive robots trained to find the algorithm of least resistance) have narrowed it down for our impressionable ears, to around 200. And then they simply put it on loop. After the meteor has wiped out civilization on the planet all but completely, the iHeart Radio program will continue on, uninterrupted, playing to the ethers, or better yet, torturing the ears of the now ambivalent aliens who at once are relieved at our demise for all the dumb shit we did, and desperately wishing us back, so they could make us stop playing

Number 3:

"The Boys Are Back In Town" - Thin Lizzy

With Too Many Images To Choose From, This One Must Suffice

I seriously did not know that the name of this band was Thin Lizzy. How would I? If I had known this piece of trivia, I would never have named my child Elizabeth. The "oldies" stations don't ever tell you the names of these groups, especially the one-hit wonders, because they assume you already know, or don't care, which I clearly didn't until it was time to blast this shit for being overplayed and underwhelming. The guitar chords are boring and too loud. The lead singer's voice is irreverent, irrelevant, and underly nostalgic for the girl in the song's spritely personality or her mammaries. And the hair in the video below is so happening that it upstages the performances of the rockers it belongs to.

If THIN LIZZY is your cup of tea, then here. I'll be your Jack Kevorkian.

Listen: I'm worried that by doing this blog my faith in humanity will be diminished. But I will press on. It's too good to put this toy away now.