Thursday, March 28, 2013

The Shit List: The 50 Must-Die Radio Hits-Eagles

Ok. I've been listening to the "classic rock" stations of iHeart Radio mega-network for inspiration on my top 50 must-die songs, and the input never stops.

Number 2:

"Take It To The Limit" - Eagles

Give me a fucking break. Here's another "epic" song that goes on way too long, like a 70's movie, with a story that I could give a shit about...but DON'T...performed in the most boring style a musician could hope to play in.

Now, I know that some of you have a sentimental attachment to this song, because when you were 7 your daddy and you were riding in his old Ford truck down a country highway and he put the 8-track of this shit in, and your undeveloped 7 year-old mind attached the banal hook to your emotional sense of security with your daddy there to protect you against the world. You now equate safety and the warm sense of security you felt then, with this fucking song. 

It's time now. Let's let it go. "Take It To The Limit" can now be sent to heaven with Daddy, and all of the torturously bad pop-country greatest hits that we have all been forced to listen to for decades now. So many better tunes. So many better eras. So many better hair days. The bygone era presses on with relentlessness. 

And just in case my bringing them up has brought your love of Eagles back to the fore of your obsession with nostalgia, here's a link to the book about how awesome they were. It's three dollars and eighty cents of Eagles fantasticness:


Wednesday, March 27, 2013

The Shit List: The 50 Most Over-Played Songs That Must Now Die

So, in the coming months, I've decided that I'm going to blog about the 50 most over-played rock-and-roll radio "hits" that must die. I will probably piss some of you off because of the nostalgia that these songs creates for you in your hearts. And that's sweet. All the same, there are many more than fifty songs that should die. There are hundreds of songs that should die. Immediately. And never be played again.

Number 1:

"More Than A Feeling" - Boston

Need I say more? Come on. It has 11 million views on youtube, 500k likes. This song is not horrible. It is not great, either. It's just kind of there. It's a blah song that some producer continues to think is unoffensive enough to make a ONCE AN HOUR player on the iHeart Radio conglomerate!

After three decades, it's time to put "More Than A Feeling" to bed, sweethearts. Every single time I hear the sweet guitar flirtation at the beginning, I TURN THE DIAL to something else, anything else. The fucking Jesus station is more interesting to me than listening to this song again. I just listened to it again for this blog, and I got thirty seconds in before I wanted to rip my ear drums out. ENOUGH!!! Just in case you want to buy this boring-ass song so that you can listen to it twice an hour rather than just once, here's the link to it at amazon! Maybe if you buy it, the radio conglomerates can get over it once and for all. 


Sunday, March 10, 2013

Cosmic Bowling Pix

So, I went with my sweet daughter Elizabeth to the second bowling alley that is in the company I work for. 

They've changed the name from Rose Bowl to PinBusterZ. So, my boss wanted me to come over and take some pictures of the new children's lanes that are all "Cosmic" bowling lanes, and they're shorter, and without gutters so the kids can feel like they're good bowlers. It helps us grown-ups out too!

I think I got some nice ones. I've doctored them up a little so that they look more colorful.

It's actually really cool to bowl on these lanes.

It was really fun to do a photo shoot with my kid. I love her so much. She's fun and just a sweetheart and joy to be with! 


I'Z Been Awhiles

Hey, Everyfriend!

I'z been awhiles since'in the last time I wrote a blog on this here Blog-O-Matic. So, I figger it's time again. Today is daylight savings day. Why they keep this strange custom going long after the days of necessity I do not know. Keeps things interesting, I guess. The great state of Indiana dropped this flimsy attempt at time travel years ago. Now, they're just the same time. Everybody else is rotating around them like fools. I heard a thing the other day on the radio about how the trains used to keep their own time zones, and would keep the time they started the journey at, all the way through to the end of the line. Chaos ensued. How interesting history is. We live in our grandparents' world. Don't we?

I got a couple new toys!

I got my one act play, PIVOT, published on Amazon, and it's now available to the public to buy in paperback and e-book! YAY! Check it out and if you like it, pick up a copy to support your local writer!

Also, I've been working on my own personal website, which I have been resistant to doing until now. I think it's because I haven't felt like selling myself was a humble thing to do. But as I get older, I find myself more accepting of the idea that what I do can be worth money, and "selling" myself is a good way to move toward getting paid a living wage for what I do. Here's the website:

So, I just closed The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, at Oregon Children's Theatre. We performed at the Newmark, which is a 900 seater in Downtown Portland. Right after we closed, the Jazz Messengers, who were Art Blakey's band,

played the Newmark. I thought about what an honor It was to perform in such a well-used theatre, for that many people. Waiting in the wings, in between entrances, I had very little time to reflect on what a joy it is to perform. When you're on stage, you're not reflecting. You're behaving. But just before you go on, you have time to think about what a lucky bastard you really are that you get paid to jump around like a tool in front of hundreds of kids and their parents.

This show was surreal for me. We did 37 shows in four weeks. The routine of it turned into a strange purgatory of stage entrances and exits. Two shows in a day. The second time around, you're like, did I already do that scene? Or you're like, here comes that one again. You just did it twice the day before and the day before that, so it takes on this eery quality of perpetuity. It's never a bore to perform. EVER. But it can be routine. You get so used to it. Sometimes you can get too comfortable. You're backstage waiting for an entrance and you start fucking around with somebody's props, or joking with other actors, and all of a sudden your cue line has come and gone and you have to high-tail it to get your ass to where you need to be! Luckily, with LWW, I never had a real scary one. There was one time my Father Christmas beard didn't have the necessary tape affixed to it by a wardrobe person so that it would stay on my face. So I'm back stage trying to get this thing on my face, and there's no tape! It's not a super quick change, but quick enough that if I don't get on it, Father Christmas will be an imposter at best! Luckily for me, the wicked witch of Narnia was nearby and helped me get it together. We're standing there peeling double sided tape and frantically trying to get it onto this huge-ass beard before I have to hand out weapons to the children so they can save the creatures of Narnia from a frigid fate. Saved! Just in time.